Pop Culture

Another Dry-Ass BET Awards Show Review

Okay so.

For the sake of tradition, I decided to write my annual BET Awards Show review. I wrote it a little differently this year than I have in the past, however. I wrote this review in real time, as I watched the show. I apologize in advance… I am random and crass. Please don’t call my mother. Or my pastor. They both follow me on Facebook. They know.
Enjoy! 

-Alisa

 

Here we go.

I LOVE that Jay Rock opened the show. Shout-out to all of you who told me how much I would love him… Y’all were so absolutely right. He’s definitely heavy in my rotation of late.

Jamie Foxx is hosting. He is celebrating black excellence televised. And I’m black and excellent so I’m all the way tuned in.

(We don’t have to let the non-blacks make noise tho. This ain’t fuh dem.)

Michael B. Jordan is over it. And I’m over his flannel shirt and warm-up pants. He doesn’t even look like he tried.

Believe me when I tell you that the fact that this “I ain’t eem try” ass outfit is probably astronomically expensive is not lost on me.

(Notice Chadwick ain’t show. He knew y’all asses were gonna “Wakanda Forever” him to death… so he opted to watch this one from his couch… in his drawls.)

Also. Ryan Coogler, Jamie. RYAN. HIs name is not Ron.

Anyway. Moving on.

I am so here for Cole. I heard he makes music for bammas with student loans. I have those!!

J. Cole is NOT a performer. And I think that’s what makes his performances kinda dope. He just stands… and delivers. And spits A LOT. And I ain’t talking spits as in raps, either. Those stage lights show errthang.

Best New Artist was just presented. I’m less impressed with the winner than I am with the fact that this is the first award I’ve actually seen presented tonight. Oh. Congrats, SZA.

“Three Men and Almost a Baby” was kinda funny. Their performance, however, was underwhelming at best. They’re not that great live. And they didn’t bring Drake out… so booooo for them. I wonder if I’ve finally stopped being so distracted by their clothes and hair to realize that their music really ain’t that good?

I just wanted this Nicky performance to be over. I used to be able to endure her shitty performances because I was so distracted by… everything… else… but not even the everything else was enough tonight.

(Don’t act like y’all don’t know what ‘everything else’ is in reference to Nicky… but for those of you who still don’t get it

Nicky… Just… No.

Nicky has those rabidly obtuse fans, though. The ones who gag and lose their edges and yaaaaaaas over every single thing she does. The Barbz are worse than the BeyHive. At least Beyonce is actually tale—

oh. sorry.

I was like, oooh!! 2 Chainz!! And then they went back to Nicky. Womp.

So were there any rehearsals for this show? Yes? Oh. I guess Jaime missed them.

Come to think of it— How many awards have I actually seen presented? This is the most no awards having ass awards show in history.

Auntie Anita’s wig, y’all… I just…

Yolanda absolutely MURDERED “You Bring Me Joy.” In a good way!! Sang the house ALL the way down. I almost threw my damn shoe at the TV. Scared the cat. Felt a quickening.

 

Michael lost interest and left the room. I think it says something that the teenager thinks the BET Awards aren’t worth watching.

Even worse, he went to do laundry instead. If you know Michael, YOU KNOW. He stopped watching this… to do work.

Basura.

Chrissy Teigen is onto something… I never noticed it before, but John Legend really does look like Arthur. This makes me giggle like a kindergartener.

I really, really liked this real-life heroes segment. I liked that these people are being recognized for being selfless in the moments where thinking of others matters most. I liked it so much that I will keep my “Shaun King is problematic” comments to myself.

I actually really for real loved that other Philly natives introduced Meek… and I thought his performance was powerful. I’ve never been a real Meek Mill fan… but I can appreciate what he’s becoming. This performance, though… I like him when he’s not yelling. Is he yelling less these days? I could get into this less-yelly Meek.

Wait. Let me say this. This was such an amazing use of this platform. Meek’s performance was well-timed and incredibly appropriate. It was well done and extremely poignant. Jokes aside… This was the best performance of the show, hands down. I applaud you, sir.

I can’t believe I managed to write anything of substance during this awards recap. Wow.

Anyway… Back to the foolishness.

Oh. Hi, Debra Lee. *leaves to get snacks*

“Debra Lee… Out” fell almost as flat as her boo—

I mean. Moving on.

Chloe x Halle amaze me.

I’ll say it, since I’m sure none of you will, even though many of you probably low-key feel the same way: I HATE BOO’D UP. I think it is such an annoying, wack ass song… and I can’t escape it. I hate it… but I know every damn word. My eye is twitching right now…

There’s Jamie and the Everything Else again.

You know that artist you really like and enjoy watching live and are entertained by her performances but have never been invested enough to actually listen to their music on purpose? That’s Janelle Monae for me.

Her performance was good. I’ma make a conscious effort to really give her music a listen. On purpose.

So all profanity is acceptable on BET except for f*ck? Okay.

Of course, Cardi won the Viewer’s Choice award. Honestly, I would’ve been okay with any of them except SZA.

(I’m sure she’s dope. She just ain’t for me.)

Jamie FLAILED. Were there no cue cards? Where was the prompter? His message was almost lost in his struggle to convey it.

Snoop can do no wrong. I’m biased, but he’s a damn legend, and I shall speak no ill against him. I am loving everything about this performance. This throwback Grambling situation is just everything. Nate Dogg!! I wish I could crip walk… but lazy.

The irony— Snoop & Tye Tribbett just took most of y’all to church for the first time since Easter. Shame on you.

And that’s a wrap. Show’s over. Another BET Awards in the books. I mean… I don’t know. I love my people, and I want to support things that are ours. I love seeing us display our uniqueness and talents. I can’t ever complain about shows that show us in all our magic.

I’ll just say this.

The production quality of this show has improved over the years, but the content continues to underwhelm me, and that is NOT a nod to the quality of the music we have been blessed with this year. This has been an amazing year for black music. Cole did his thing this year, absolutely. Nipsey. Nas. Jay Rock. I love us, but I don’t ever love this show. I watch it every year out of obligation, and think about all the things I could’ve been doing instead… like doing laundry.

I don’t want Eric Marlon Bishop to ever host anything ever until he learns how to read a damn cue card. Does he need a writer? I AM AVAILABLE.

Best dressed of the night: Janelle Monae. She was absolutely stunning in her rainbow tiered gown. I’ve never seen her outside of her “uniform” on the red carpet (although she NEVER fails to impress– she is flawless), but this beautiful colorful rainbow tribute to Pride was gorgeous. Down to her accessories. She did alladat.

J. Cole, Yolanda Adams, Janelle Monae, Unkka Snoop and Tye n’nem were all great performances and made the time I spent watching this show as worthwhile as was possible. I am glad Anita Baker is receiving this much-deserved recognition for her amazing talent, for her longevity, for her class and her grace. Overall, I guess I didn’t hate it. I didn’t necessarily like it, either, though.

I’ve just spent three hours watching this production and all I can muster is indifference. I watched it for the culture. That’s all I got.

And real quick:

Cassie was gorgeous, per her usual, hosting the preshow.

I enjoyed watching Big Frieda during the pre-show. I love that she’s getting more mainstream bump. But, much like the show itself, both the pre- and post-awards show missed the mark. As I read on Facebook… So much potential, but just… not quite.

Also, who thought it was a good idea to drag Case into the 21st century? Has he been performing all this time? Has this always been a thing??

I’m done. Lemme know your thoughts, unless you’re gonna tell me how much you love Boo’d Up. Keep that shit to yourself.

 

 

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