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Four Lessons We Can Learn from HBO’s Insecure

Just when you think you’ve read every blog post about Insecure.  *insert evil laugh*

Here are 4 lessons we can all learn from the hit show, Insecure.

  1. Say “No” to the slithery Ex.

Exes “aka Daniels” always manage to slither their way into your life via a DM, a texts, or an email. Rarely, will they pick up a phone to engage in a (non-drunk text) conversation. Let’s ignore the fact, that they obviously don’t have your current number for a reason for a second. And for the sake of discussion, if they did have your number, why wouldn’t they call? Well, it’s probably because they don’t want to risk having the conversation where you demand an apology, or god forbid explanation of the wrongdoings they did while you were together. They like it as non-confrontational as possible. See (in texts, DMs, and emails) they can control the tone of the conversation with sentences and commas. They start by feeding you bullshit lines like “I’m proud of you!” to reel you in. Hold up, tho! How can you be proud of somebody you haven’t had any contact with in XX years?? I can be a mass murderer for all you know, or a bonafide deadbeat but you’re proud of me?   Yeah OK. Then they finish you off with the cliché “I miss you.”   You ever notice it’s always about their feelings/thoughts of you. I’m telling you they (exes) are snakes, so when you see them slithering down the sidewalk put down some lime, break out the mothballs, and seal any cracks in ya foundation.

Now on to the slithery ex, Daniel and my girl, Issa. He did just what he was supposed to do. Come thru, screw up shit, then pack up his little piano and flee the scene. Any guy will say Daniel won because he got some a$$ out of it and in a man’s world, getting a$$ automatically gives you an undisputed win. OK, but so what, he hit. Instead of hanging another body over his proverbial mantel, he decided that wasn’t enough. His little EX ego couldn’t handle her being done with him.   So, he calls her non-stop, hoping to make some noise “aka screw shit up” in her life. As if the bill collector style calling wasn’t enough, he shows up at her job’s function. Once again, to talk about how HIS feelings. AND, if that wasn’t enough, this DUDE has the nerve to engage in a conversation with her MAN. Knowing he did some sort of destruction to her relationship, he then happily departs her life. This is why you leave exes the hell alone. They are unstable, and have no respect for anyone’s happiness but their own. Had they hooked up, and he (Daniel) been the one to be over it (instead of Issa), we would have never saw him again after the studio hook-up scene.

Lesson: If a person from your past, isn’t in your present, its probably a damn good reason why, so NEVER FORGET THAT.

 

  1. And the Man of the Year Award Goes to ..

Every man in the northern hemisphere is celebrating the evolution of Lawrence. The nice guy finally finishes first, they say and I’m just sitting here like, meh. I flashback to the scene where Molly and Issa are spatting and Molly says “Lawrence is a good man.” Again, meh? What exactly are we giving him a 5 star Yelp rating for again? Did anyone else not see the same emotionally detached man sitting on the couch in the dark day after day?? Now, lets be real, everyone goes through shit in life. And, sometimes it will literally knock everything in you… out. But when you are in a relationship with someone, there are gonna be times, you have to put on your big girl/boy panties and be happy. You don’t even have to be happy for you, be happy for the other person sticking through shit with you. Be pleasant, be cheerful .. for 24 hours, then crawl back into your hole and wither away, come back out in 2 days, and do it again. So what YOUR life is looking bleak right now, you have someone sticking through it with you, GIVE some LOVE BACK. That’s what love is. Looking beyond ourselves sometimes. It’s soooo selfish, to expect someone else to mope around with you. You already have a mate who is supporting you through a down period in your life, and you can’t even put real clothes on, or get a haircut. Who wants to come home after a long day of work, and see someone in probably the same clothes they were in when you left. I’m not saying he wasn’t a nice person, because he really may have been. But a good boyfriend?? Nah. Why would she get excited about ring shopping? Guilty conscience aside. Did he show her that he could be the head of the household (as in marriage) during times of good and time of despair. I need more convincing from the award committee giving out this man of the year award to Lawrence.

Lesson: Beware of the emotionally detached, ‘life has drained me” significant other.

 

  1. “Molly, you in danger girl!!”

Who remembers the scene in the movie Ghost where Whoopi is channeling messages from Sam to Molly, and she blurts out the line .. Molly, you in danger girl!!

Well, Molly, *Bernie Mac voice * you are in trouble, trouble, troub-ble.. I won’t go as far as Issa and start a cypher on her broken p*ssy, because the truth is, she’s a grown ass woman.   She had a job, her own place, no kids that we’re paying for out of our check, and nobody’s man (to her or our knowledge) in her bed. So if she wants to put mileage on that ole box of hers…her business.  If she wanted to travel the world as a sex conquistador, stealing the sexual souls of men, leaving corpses in every nation…her business. But the reality is, she’s looking for a Bae. Now, what’s dangerous about her style of looking for Bae? The problem is she’s giving up the goods so quickly that these men have nothing further to look forward to. Remember the section on Daniel, and the male’s logic of getting the ass being a “win.” Well, there you go. He’s already got the W, without having to court you, getting to know you, impress you, even seeing if y’all can be compatible etc. Once she gives up the ass, what’s left?? Now could be a good time to debate Steve Harvey’s 90 day waiting period before intimacy book, but I won’t.  Even when she did have that one guy come around for a few dates after their sexcapade, she was way too clingy. Like girlfriend clingy. Somewhere in her mind, she has equated a romp in the sack to love or the potential for love. And, we allllllll know that ain’t true.   So, let’s just say it out loud for those who need to hear it again. Just cus a person lays with you doesn’t mean 1) they actually like you or 2) wants to be with you.

Let us all turn our books to the Gospel According to Rihanna.

Chapter 1 verses 29 – 34

Verse 29 says You was good on the low for a faded ….

Verse 31 She says .. But BABY

Don’t get it TWISTED

You was just another … on the hit list

She then goes on to tell you what to do with your white horse and ya carriage in verse 32

Didn’t they tell you that I was a savage?

Lesson: In the words of SWV, use your heart and not your behind … okay they didn’t say it that way, but that’s what they meant.

 

  1. Issa.. IsSA .. ISSA!!

What’s so great about Issa is that most black females can relate to her life in some form or fashion. From the irritating AF coworkers using you as the Wikipedia for everything black to the slithery ex trying to steal every ounce of your joy to the boyfriend you love but aren’t sure you like half the time but STILL none of that matters because you won’t leave him with all of the years ya’ll have invested. Blah, Blah. We all have been there, done that.

I gotta be really real for a second about Issa. No judging guys, pinky promise me!!

The ONE issue I have with Issa … is her telling Lawrence about Daniel.   Somethings are between you and God, and she shoulda added that one to her list, and kept it moving. Her girl, her BFF, even told her … if you are smart, you wouldn’t tell him.

Now, that doesn’t mean she should have never told Lawrence about him. But at this stage in their relationship, where she was coming back around to wanting to rekindle with … she should have kept her trap shut. Deny, Deny, Deny .. Dammit.

A relationship with a person, you have no ties to aside from years vested (or wasted) and a leasing agreement that can be terminated…chile. Go to confession, say a couple Hail Mary’s, take a hot shower to erase the episode of broke p%#%#y you had, then be a changed person aka good girlfriend again.

Now for everybody shaking their head about her NOT telling him, what did she gain by telling him??

He ends up bending over ole girl from the bank. Somebody Issa doesn’t even know about because her “Boyfriend of the Year” Lawrence never mentioned someone had the hots for him. So you were completely honest to him, and he left out that one small detail. Ummm hmmmm. Compli-ca-ted.

My other issue with Issa was keeping Lawrence hanging. If you were done with him, just speak up. Keeping the man on standby while you figure things out was selfish IMO.   Maybe Lawrence should have done what Birdman would say “Woman, Is you finished? Or are you done with me?”

Lesson: Hot shower with long cry + prayer list = changed woman.

 

 

Let me know your thoughts ..

 

 

 

 

 

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