Football

Smitty The Brawler Presents: Initial Reactions to NFL Free Agency Moves

Good day, gang!

It’s NFL Offseason Christmas Time!

I enjoy nothing more about the NFL than free agency. I specifically joined Twitter in March of 2010 the day of start of free agency. Julius Peppers was the big catch that year and I needed to know if my Redskins were gonna sign him the second it happened (subsequently signed by the Chicago Bears). Thus, I joined and followed every NFL insider on the platform.

THAT’S what NFL free agency means to me.

I’m here, on this glorious day to give a quick take on a few of the early signings that caught my eye. In a Smitty kind of way, of course. Humor me.

 

Kirk Cousins

Welp, Kirk got the bag!

The self-described “Randy Orton of the NFL”. You never know when he’s gonna hit his team with an INT out of nowhere. As a Skins fan, I saw the good, terrible, and ugly from this guy. Did I ever think that he’d be the first guy to cop a fully guaranteed NFL contract? Not by a long shot. Do I believe he landed with the best squad available to him? Absolutely. Vikings have a top-five roster in the league right now. They got to the conference finals with Kirk Cousins Jr Jr, last season. The roster is built to win today. Kirk merely being better than his son, Case Keenum  next season could lead to that TEAM winning the Super Bowl. Because you know, teams win Super Bowls, not a singular white quarterback, which the media wants you to believe.

 

Case Keenum

The aforementioned Kirk Cousins Jr got pegged to be the newest Broncos starting QB. I watched the guy almost singlehandedly blow an easy win versus the Redskins last season. We all saw him not even bother leaving the locker room in the NFC Championship game. The Broncos got themselves an ‘aight’ ass quarterback.

 

Sam Bradford & Mike Glennon

 

The All American Goon Squad, those two guys are.

Holy shit.

These two armed robbers got paid a combined for $38 Million dollars last year.

‘Curious George’ and ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ combined for five and a half games started last season. They then had the audacity to show up in Scottsdale, Arizona. Went to the Arizona Cardinal headquarters with a ransom note. They left out with $24 Million combined.

AND BRADFORD GOT A RAISE!!!

Bradford’s salary to work ratio is tops on the entire globe – or flat Earth – whatever kind of planet you believe we live on, he makes more money for less work than anyone else who lives on it. I just wish to drink green beers on St. Patrick’s Day out of mugs made of the same type of glass in which Bradford is made of.

Glennon, meanwhile should continue to work on his nun-chuck skills, as his throwing skills are trash.

 

Colin Kaepernick

Colin was working out in Houston performing passing drills. That’s all we’ve got. Quite the joke him not being signed, is.

 

Jimmy Graham

To quote the great Terrell Owens, Jimmy Graham playing with Aaron Rogers is simply “unfurr“. That’s all i got.

 

Sammy Watkins

Kansas City’s offense is about to be LIT! Adding Watkins on top of Tyreke Hill, Travis Kelce, Kareem Hunt, and the big armdeded QB Pat Mahomes was a great move. Of course Sammy is always injured. The hope is that with $48 mil over three years, he can buy a Dragonball Z hyperbolic time chamber which can change his health fortunes. KC may have the fastest offense in the NFL. Guess who your boy will be running with in Madden 19? You guessed it! See Me.

 

Aqib Talib & Marcus Peters

 

I am a huge fan of gritty, grimy, dog ass cornerbacks. DeAngelo Hall was my favorite player over the last decade or so, just as a reference point. The L.A. Rams just put together what I have coined ‘”The Legion Of Goon”. Two top 10 cornerbacks who are top-two nasty muthafuckas on the field. Helluva secondary the Rams have. They will be my backup Madden 19 team.

“Did We Just Become best friends?”– Peters
“Yup!!!”– Talib

 

Jerick McKinnon aka ‘Who?’

The only reason im opining on slim signing with the 49ers is because he is now the fourth-highest paid running back in the league. I couldn’t pick him out of a one person lineup. He’s a lil fast dude, who was Vikings scat back. To sum him up, he’s the guy on Madden with a 76 overall but 95 speed. You sub him in over your 88 overall running back due to that speed boost. Yeah, good luck with that. Meanwhile, the best player in football can’t get paid. Let LeVeon cook!

That’s all I’ve got for now, folks. The NCAA tournament has started, so just that quickly, no one cares about free agency anymore.

Happy March Madness, Happy St Patty’s and all that good stuff….

If your reading this, I somehow made it through the weekend and did not land myself in a roadside ditch.

Peace!

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