Welcome to the latest installment of Top Ten Tuesdays.
Tom Brady won his fifth Super Bowl championship on Sunday and people are butt-hurt about it. Bringing into account his political affiliations or whatever to glance over why he isn’t the GOAT, who cares.
What we care about is accomplishments.
He’s better than you and I, and unfortunately, I’m here to tell you why and as always, this list is non-negotiable.
10. Have You Seen His House, Fam?!: Legend says that every part of this modern day kingdom was made with the tears of angels, but we haven’t gotten confirmation of that yet. But this we do know. It’s awesome AF. Completely solar powered and word on the street is that it can transform into 75 passenger private jet. More than meets the eye, beloved.
9. You Want Him To Lose, And He Doesn’t: I know. It happens every year. We look for any team to beat him, and any player to put over him…but you can’t. And you won’t. He’s Bradimus Prime, man. Hell you thought?
8. He Took Your Hero Peyton Manning and eviscerated Him: Overall #1 draft pick, thoroughbred QB with legacy in the league surely should be better than the lowly 6th rounder, right? Not. Bloody. Likely. Peyton’s long gone and Tom The Benevolent is still here not only playing at a high level, but still rings. Truth be told, that debate should’ve been deadened a long time ago, but you people just love holding out on hope.
7. He’s Joke Proof…Even Though He Endorses Uggs. UGGS!!!: Joe Namath in the 70’s endorsed stockings and shaving gel, and never got sasses caused he’s Broadway Joe, dammit. Imagine the leveling up you have to do in order to endorse a mainly female product and not receive one ounce of ridicule! That’s Teflon shit right there, man.
6. He Can Steal Your Girl: He’s the Ravishing Rick Rude of the NFL. Come to your town, performs, and you notice that all of a sudden your woman wants to watch UGGs commercials, and is a tad bit more interested in football on Sunday.
5. He’s A Low-Key Savage: You see the picture. You saw the commercial (if you havent, please click this link and revel in its awesomeness!). Nuff said. That commercial? He filmed it 5 months before the Super Bowl. Guts of a burglar, man.
4. Unlike You, He Earned Everything He’s Gotten: 6th round pick in the NFL draft. 199th overall. One Drew Bledsoe injury changed everything. He went from Patriots backup to Super Saiyan. Look closely at the picture and tell me he doesn’t resemble a goat you’d see at a petting zoo
3. The highest paid supermodel in the world? Yeah, that’s his wife: Boom.
2. His connection to God is better than yours, and always will be: This is the shot that was taken when the score was 20-0. All seemed lost until this shot where he connected via direct line to our Lord and Savior, and not only did he remind young Thomas about who he is, but he also inputted the legendary Contra cheat code (up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start) so that he’d leave no doubt. See, this is what happens when you say your prayers and eat your vitamins.
1. Just like Ali, Jordan, & Lebron…you can’t deny him anymore: That’s it, right? We’re done with all the “It’s the scheme/coach/team” argument, right? 7 Super Bowl appearances. 5 rings. 4 record SB MVP awards. 1 humbled commissioner. He has Montana’s resume with Marino’s numbers. It’s time to put all this to bed. He’s meme-proof. You hated Jordan the same way remember. You got greatness fatigue watching him and you just looked for anyone to dethrone him. Kemp, Malone, Stockton, Magic. Any name would do. Same thing here. But, also just like Jordan as time passed you end up appreciating it a lot more. In the era of free agency and parity, you’ll never see it again. Enjoy it.
*Editor’s Note: The Pats are about to sign him to a 5-year extension. Yeah, I know.
Long. Live. The. King.